Four score and one summer ago.

It happened and I did it.  Fall came and Jen lost her inspiration.  It happened so quickly, it's still hard to believe at times.  Relocating to another city.  Enrolling in grad school.  Starting a new job. Meeting new people.  Losing myself. But it happened, and I did it.

 It's usually around this time every year that I, like most Americans, begin to reflect on the year behind me and what lies ahead for the one approaching.  I hate New Years resolutions, and I seldom make them, but those self reflecting moments always haunt me as such opportune times. So it is here and now that I am faced with a few relevant truths. One- HE is not finished with me yet.  I've done so much growing in the past few months.  I've moved to another city- though initially with backwards intentions- for a fresh start. Now in month 4 of my "new life" I am beginning to realize that perhaps there is reasoning far from random, as to why He chose to bring me here.  Two- I REALLY love writing. This is the first time since my move that I have made the effort to sit down and place my scattered thoughts somewhere, other than my mind. It feels great and I had forgotten how much I love doing so.  In juggling school, work, and getting adjusted to my new enviornment amongst homesickness (<--a word?), I had neglected to take time out for the one thing that keeps me sane. My writing. I had been lost in the shuffle of writing articles and preparing projects for school so much, that just as expected, I had lost my inspiration, motivation, and drive for creative expression.  Blogging and taking pictures went from a method of alleviating stress, to causing it... and that alone set off mixed emotions of depression, confusion, and carelessness. I've been afraid to re-commit to writing and blogging, in fear I'd have nothing new to say. Nothing to relate to. No relevant information as a former natural who no longer lives overseas. "What would I write about?" The one word answer I was given today? "LIFE." And so I shall. Three- This is the year of great things. Pause. Yes, we've heard this before. A cliche expression used by most people followed by an extragavant list of New Years Resolutions. But for Jen, this is a fact.  As I write, I'm making a mental checklist of things to plan for in the next year. Though I know much excitement lies ahead, I am most excited about the here and now.  Because after months of hiding... Jen has returned!!

*Brushes shoulders off* I guess I got my swagga back! 

Dunzo.

New piece can be found here.  Enjoy!

Another post.

Latest piece: http://www.jenisallwrite.com/?p=58  #Enjoy!

Goodbye, old friend.

Today, I said goodbye to an old friend.  It was rough but I know it's for the best.  I don't trust people. AT ALL. Contradictory I know; I do give the benefit of the doubt a little too much. So when old friend continually made an effort to be a part of my life, I figured there was some divine purpose bigger than the both of us that kept bringing us back to this point.  I figured old friend may have been going through things that I was unaware of, and perhaps they needed a friend.  Or perhaps old friend had done some self reflection and wanted to apologize to all the people they had hurt? Then there's my inner skeptic that said old friend was back to old ways, playing the upper hand and taking me for everything I had, yet again.  After all, it's been years- why was old friend so adamant on staying in the forefront? After all old friend had accomplished, why was old friend reaching out to ME?

There's something that must be said about the size of my heart vs. the size of my brain. After such a tumultuous relationship (?) between old friend and I, why would I even consider making nice? Sure, the question of the hour would conclude that I should mirror the actions of Jesus.  But would HE even be played to this extent? OK, not the best idea to drag religion into this. But I honestly believe that I did everything the right way.  I told old friend they were forgiven.  I wished old friend the best in all future endeavors.  I parted ways.  That was years ago, and several times.  But old friend was certain that we should be friends. And like a fool, I obliged. But at 9:15PM last night, I had an epiphany.  I can't do this anymore. I have no problem putting things in the past and starting fresh when I see a relationship work investing in, but truth me told, old friend hurt me. A lot. Looking back on my memories with old friend, most of them bring me back to that time when I was feeling  hurt, insecure, angry, depressed, and betrayed, and although old friend had since become a different type of friend, I couldn't help but wonder how in the world I could consider calling someone like that a "friend".   I guess it's now that I realize perhaps old friend wasn't much of a friend to begin with. Sigh.

The irony of it all? I am someone's old friend, and I often find myself guilty of the same behavior.  Though friend has told me time and time again that it's all or nothing, I continue to reach out.  After years of being so close, how dare friend tell me we can't make nice. After all I've accomplished, I continue to make an effort to be a part of friend's life. No, I'm not exactly a hypocrite.  I am an old friend, but not because I made bad decisions, or did mean things to friend.  I think. That makes it ok, right? :-/  I hate goodbyes. :'(

We have lift off!

Still under construction, but my portfolio site is finally up! :) www.jenisallwrite.com; or click here.  Smoochies!!

Ah, memories.

You're right, things could be worse.  I remember writing this last year! hahaha:

Dear Mr. Landlord,

    I understand that although I am a young woman from another country-living alone- who has had nothing but problems while living in your “one room resort” establishment, that your empathy for my situation is non- existent.  I realize that every problem that I have experienced while living in this luxurious apartment, has, as you love to say- been my fault.  The cold water in winter, the hot water pipes that scream when you turn them on, (that didn’t come out right), the paper thin walls that allow me to hear my next door neighbors’ phones vibrating (amongst other things), the mold that introduced itself as my roomate the second I walked in the door, the electronics that are “mysteriously” breaking, and of course there’s my favorite- the moody toilet that sometimes “forgets” how to flush.  I think you were absolutely correct in blaming Korea’s low pressure water system on the size of my poo, before even coming to my apartment to see what caused the toilet to overflow in the first place.

    Perhaps the reason I admire you most, however, is your astonishing work ethic.  Telling my coworker that you have things to do, and will check out a hazardous health risk “if you have the time” is, in my opinion, beyond purple heart worthy!

In light of this information, Mr. Landlord, I think it would be in your best interest to evict me from your establishment as soon as possible.  I understand that in your eyes, I am most likely just a foreigner who came to Korea and has no idea how to manage, nor appreciate the lovely abode you have comforted me with.  It is now that I realize how much of an injustice I am doing by wanting you to hold your end of the housing contract, by actually fixing things that are broken, making sure things are working effectively, and checking the sanitation of your facilities. Please forgive me for not being grateful for everything you have not assisted me with, all of the complaints you have made in my name, and most importantly, please forgive me for not attending the Korean classes that were offered at the start of my contract.  Had I taken up this offer, surely I would have been able to better converse with you- further giving you a piece of my mind, in your native tongue.

    Because my lovely school refuses to break my housing contract with you, but promises that next year’s foreign teacher will not be residing here, (what a joy they are) I am requesting an eviction, in hopes that this will not only improve our relationship greatly, but allow you to find a tenant that will better appreciate your “ish don’t stank” attitude, and the grotesque living conditions you pride.

Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance.

Your friend,

Foreigner Jen.

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My newest video can be seen here and here.  Enjoy :o).